As any confused person would do, when I couldn’t decide if I should take the amazing job offer or not, I hopped on a plane with my friend Vittoria and flew to Brazil for two weeks. I hate having regrets and I knew I would regret not trying it, so I did.
After a long day on the beaches of Trancoso, on the North East coast of Brazil, we spotted a large group of gorgeous men dressed in white button down shirts and kakis. A wedding. An amazing wedding. Vittoria and I quickly went into a little store and bought big fake gold necklaces in order to crash the wedding in style (clearly with flip flops and sundress full of sand).
Four mojitos later we are dancing in the crowd and a guest stepped on my foot. My eyes covered in tears, my friend running after me and I was unconsolable.
Was it my foot? No, no it was my heart, trapped once again in a destiny that was not mine.
I left my beautiful London to move to Milano and start my new job. I lasted little longer than 6 months. A beautiful office, wonderful colleagues and parties every evening, but also 7am wake up calls to play piano, and emotional tears every time an artist performed at an event.
On my second morning at my new job I wrote a song, maybe I will play you a snipped, and the lyrics went like this:
‘I ran away from the world
I ran away from myself
Trying to fall in love with something else
I tried to make it fun
I tried with something new
But I get this feeling, there’s no replacing you’
When I write the process is - I sit down at the piano with a strong emotion with a notebook and a pen and somehow two hours later I have a song. I play back what I wrote down and I feel like I have just put that thought, that feeling on a shelf. Out of my heart and into the world. I am free. I am free unless I play that song, then I live that emotion over and over.
This means I hadn’t realized what I had written until I did. And this was only day two of my new job. The song said it clearly: I had made the wrong decision!!
Note to self: follow your instincts